My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
