They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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