you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
