So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Four minutes until I can fart!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
