a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
