A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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