dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
