i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
