My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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