if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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