I think im going to throw up on grandma
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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