why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
