apparently the secret to your success is patron
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
