I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
