Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
