he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize