cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
