I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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