Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
