Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize