She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
