I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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