a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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