I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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