I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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