I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
