Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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