tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
