I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
