Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
