Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
