how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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