nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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