oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am spending my child support on dildos
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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