I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize