Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
