just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
