i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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