Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think people are normalizing furries
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
