We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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