I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
