She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
