she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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