Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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