to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
