i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
