I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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