Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
