its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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