I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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