Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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