dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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