my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
