Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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