you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I forget how to act sober
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