Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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