she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
