forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
