so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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