hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
