she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
