i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
