I accidentally had phone sex last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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