Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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