Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
