Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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