i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
