I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
