People with herpes should wear stickers.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
