why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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