You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
